The human personality is a combination of genetic influence and the input received as growth continues through infancy, adolescence and into adulthood. The genetic influence cannot be altered before birth. A child's reaction to the environment is many times a subconscious programmed response handed down by ancestors. I believe this is where the answer lies as to the phenomenon of having children, raised by the same parents, turn out so differently in character. The potential for specific behavior patterns repeat from one generation to another. I believe they become part of the genetic codes that become passed down. Therefore, parent's treatment of their children can have an effect on future generations. Children who receive a specific type of influence that is different from any of their ancestors are six times more likely to repeat it in reacting to their children. So this process is compounded from one generation to another. Once the influence becomes a part of an accepted program, each generation passes it’s potential on to the next. The process of altering these programs necessitates adding new influences that will combine with the old to create a process of transmutation. If a child has not had soft touch and loving, nurturing touch as a part of their program, adding it from the parent's point of view will help to correct imbalances in the emotional, physical and intellectual responses to touch, as children grow into adults. Generation to generation, this will be a slow process. It is scientifically accepted that it takes a minimum of three generations to alter genetic character potentials. Many studies suggest the possibility that it can take up to seven generations to eliminate a family trait that has been passed down. It definitely can be accomplished and it is important for parents to understand the process for doing it in a safe way.

Safe touch can be the most valuable tool in re-educating a child about life, to add desirable qualities to the genetic pool to be passed down. In this way, we can outgrow our past and alter it. The stronger our influence on the current response to the relationship, the more likely a change can occur sooner rather than later.

The benefits of massage as an initial experience is one of creating pleasure and security. As a child grows there is a constant re-evaluation of the touch response depending on the compounding affect of the quality of continuous types of on-going touch. Among these are bathing the child, changing diapers, dressing, hugging, spanking and its extreme, being brutally beaten or molested. Touching as an experience for a child may or may not be pleasurable. It is important when touching anyone that the state of mind of the one initiating the touch is considered. A relaxed atmosphere comes from within. Anyone in an inner state of turbulence cannot help but have a disturbing affect on the one being touched. The reality of mind over matter is currently one of common interest. The intent controls the energy transference in any encounter.

When preparing to bathe your child, take a few moments to focus on your state of mind. Are you bathing them just because that is what has to be done or do you look forward to sharing the pleasure and fun of the bath with your child? When a child runs up to you and grabs you for a hug, does your heart respond with an energy surge of love or do you attempt to withdraw from the clinging, demanding child?

Spanking a child to punish them for something they have not yet learned is unacceptable. It is a harsh way to teach. Let the child explore without fear. Guide them gently and they will quickly learn the results of their actions. If they run and fall down, they will then understand pain caused as a result of their lack of awareness. If the parent is the nurturing place in which to retreat for solace, the child will feel secure and be more apt to respect the parent's counsel in later years.

The complex nature surrounding touch that develops as people mature, directly influences the quality of parenting. It is important to know that this developed nature can and does change as new input is processed. The need for touch is necessary to fulfill an innate need for energy that is used for growth, but children who have been abused have been programmed that touch is abusive. This energy input relies on attention as a qualifier for the types of individuals they will become. On a subconscious level, patterns of interaction between parents and children are then established. Until these patterns are changed in the adult, the possibility of the abused child becoming the child abuser is prevalent. Awareness of these tendencies must be accepted, without the presence of debilitating guilt, before the adults can forgive themselves for their parent's abusiveness. Abused children always feel guilt at having done something wrong. They have a feeling that they not only deserve it but actually believe they have caused the abuse. Once forgiveness occurs, the abusive adult can make conscious acceptable changes to create a situation for learning non-violent methods for fulfilling the need for touch between a parent and child.

Bonding between a parent and a child is accomplished through many mediums; a look of disapproval or one of loving pride is subtle but through continuous exposure, the child begins to experience feelings that become stronger and stronger each time they occur. A ratio for balance begins to develop as the inner subconscious creates a scale that stores each item on either the positive or negative side. The degree of energy force behind each incident is recorded on the response scales, for future reactions by the child, relative to each current experience and how the scales equate the effect. Physical bonding through touch and its form is the most powerful energy input sources for a developing child. Abuse is the most intense energy input and therefore carries the most weight relative to regulating the subconscious scales. If there is an equal energy quotient of loving nurturing touch to balance the abuse, the child's discriminative abilities will be adequate to choose which type of parent they will be.

Developing safe and pleasant touch energy between a parent and child is important for the development of a quality relationship that will be satisfying and pleasurable for the entire family. A happy and safe place for touch can be achieved in many ways. Some techniques for accomplishing this are:
1. At bedtime, before tucking an infant in for the night, use massage on the spine, moving the life force energy from the base of the spine to the neck. Then massage the neck and head. This brings the energy through all power points called chakras and fulfills the child's need for circulation of energy, to grow strong and healthy.
2. When a child becomes cranky and irritable, take off their shoes and firmly massage the toes, the soles of the feet and then the top sides of the feet and the ankles. Make a game of trying to unscrew the toes or the traditional "this little piggy" game or better yet, make one up with the help of the child.
3. When a parent feels tired and frustrated the child can be asked to massage the parent's feet, shoulders or head, helping relaxation. It is important to allow children to express their need to touch their parents without that touch being wrong. Also, to know that they can actually do something to help the parent is very empowering to children, who most of the time feel so tiny, inadequate, and vulnerable. Nurturing, caring parents are people who are real. Showing your feelings for each other by touching each other in front of children shows a child that touch is acceptable. Including them in acceptable touch can involve hugging, holding hands, wrestling and rolling around in play with children. There are several levels where the influence of touch must be addressed, on the physical, verbal, emotional and sexual. In each of these the influence of the parent as to the type of adult a child will become depends on their own sense of comfort relative to touch. If there are tensions in the atmosphere around modes of touch expressed within a family, then children will sense the hidden feelings in conjunction with touch rather than what we think we are expressing. So the first step in healthy, safe touch experiences for any family is for the parent to explore and understand their own feelings about touch and what their origins are and to take steps to change accordingly the attitudes that cause discomfort and develop those that are positive and constructive.

In passing this on to children relative to physical touch the intent of the parent needs to be clear when one reaches out and touches a child, whether it's holding their hand when crossing a street, walking down to the beach, lifting them into the car, lifting them into bed or tucking them in. If the feeling behind the action of the parent is one of fear, responsibilities that are resented or is cold and acts of touching or handling children are done in an automatic manner with no emotion, unconditional love and nurturing behind it, children will feel the energy of the experience accordingly. Children are intuitive based, therefore, it is necessary to observe inner feelings when interacting with children. Before interacting, focus on what you are doing, take a deep breath and relax. Free your mind of all other thoughts. Connect energetically with children. Look directly at them and make eye contact. It is important for healthy growth patterns that children have the parents full attention when interaction occurs. When you are away from your children, release the connection of responsibility toward them. This will create a separation of space that allows parents and children to have privacy. So, again, when children enter your space, take a few deep breaths, center yourself, turn your attention to the child and then reach out to hug them, lift them, move them, dress them, or whatever the physical interaction requires. Have it be a means of bonding with children from a space of quality. Children who are touched with 100% of the parent's focus on them with an attitude of love and caring is more valuable than spending two or three hours with them, forcing an interaction while resenting the amount of time involved and having frustrations build until explosive, violent actions become the only means of releasing tension.

Attitudes that are prevalent create an effect that combine with the words used when touching children that become stored in the memory cells as a package. When you teach children caution or an understanding of the ramifications of their actions, if it is accomplished with a positive expression of how to deal with life, then the child will be prepared to deal with reality. For example, if a child is heading for the street and you run after them with fear and grab the child with restrictive touch and forcefully and loudly say "NO!!! Don't go into the street, you'll get hurt" you are putting the energy of fear into the child's subconscious and the effect will begin to restrict the development of children's natural sense of exploration. This will cause a retarding of enthusiasm for learning new things. Instead, run to the child and stop them in a physically playful manner or change their focus by reaching out to stop them with excitement about something else that is safe. Distract them without using fear. Later, walk with them to the street, explain that the street was built for fast cars, trucks, etc. and teach them that the sidewalk is the special street for people to walk on. Use the experience to teach them new ideas about how the world functions by creating different systems that have individual rules. Touch is a vehicle for transferring thoughts and feelings to others and can be used as a tool for teaching. Touch used in conjunction with words intensifies the power of the ideas behind the words. Use forms of touch to enhance children's natural sense of creativity, adventure, courage and desire to accomplish or experience something that adds pleasure, joy and excitement. Children that are raised with comfortable and constant exposure to safe touch will become productive and secure members of society.

We can change things that we do not like by adding new experiences that will eventually replace the unacceptable ones. Add the power of positive, verbal expressions to modes of touch and you will begin to experience new feelings between parents and children.

Kamala is the founder of DoveStar, a holistic technology school with several locations on the East Coast. One of the main programs is the Kriya Massage Certification. For more information check the educational website www.dovestar.edu for professional training or personal growth relative to touch. For those who are family therapy or healthcare professionals, check the Parenting and Birthing Certification.

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